People Who Turn Me Off - BLOG HOP

Five times a blogsmaid, finally a hop bride! I'm thrilled to be the 1st stop on today's Blog-A-Licious Blog Tour: a fantastic blog hop that brings together bloggers of all genres, backgrounds, and locations. When you're done here, keep the laugh track playing and hop on over to Ms. Totsymae's site! She's the second reason I'm so glad to be first up today; she's a tough act to follow :)

Today's Topic: 

People Who Turn Me Off

Looks like today’s the day I separate the complete strangers from the occasional readers from those who know me oh-so-swell. Did you catch that? Because it’s all coming in threes today, starting with a multiple-choice question:

The people who turn me off are the:
1. Swipers – aka reach-across-the-table-to-help-themselves-to-your-food-ers
2. Shamers – aka ruin-your-meal-by-lecturing-you-on-its-fault-ers
3. Starvers – aka can’t/won’t/don’t-eat-for-no-sensical-reason-ers

(Yes, you get bonus points here if the “S” trio reminds you of a certain other series…:)

Remember, there are no real losers here, because…oh, let’s just do another list of 3 for fun (and luck!):
1. You’re game enough to play – thank you!
2. There are no real winners either, since there’re no prizes!
3. They’re all good answers, since I’m turned off by all these folks! But I will put them in order from least to most offensive. Wait; I already did :) Now let’s give them each a closer look, shall we?

1. Swipers – Touching my food? Seriously? That’s almost an unforgivable offense…except that it means I’m dealing with a fellow food-lover who sometimes (and understandably) falls under the spell of a vixenous delicacy. 

2. Shamers – You know what I have to say: Shame on you! If you don’t want to eat, don’t; your loss. But if you’re going to have the audacity to ruin somebody else’s meal – especially mine – with your unsolicited commentary, you should be shot…perhaps with a big, fat syringe of sugar-caffeine syrup to wake you up to the joy of good eats!

3. Starvers – Inexcusable. Period. There is no reason you could give for not eating that I would swallow (pun clearly intended). If you try to tell me that you just don’t like food, then you’re flat-out lying. Everyone likes food, so to make false claims like “nothing tastes good to me” is just foodish. I mean foolish.

If you’re going to try and argue, “Food makes you fat (or unhealthy),” then we’ll still have to tussle, because food is not inherently evil; it’s not out to get anyone. Produce doesn’t grow a curly moustache and tie helpless damsels to railroad tracks, then laugh wickedly as a locomotive approaches, so stop treating food like a villain, and I’ll stop treating you like one!

And if your last move is to take a against…no. I’m not even giving you the chance. Stop trying to stand up to me and just sit. You heard me; sit your hungry butt down and put a fork in it. Your mouth, that is :)